Propose to Me Right, or Don’t Propose At All

One day while I was taking my husband to work, he and I were listening to the radio.  I must say, the hosts ignited a very interesting discussion.  The question asked went something like this: When a man proposes to the woman he loves, does the timing or place matter? If you read my blog post No New Friends (Or Old) you already know we went crazy in discussion when we listened to the hosts and several of the callers responses.

One of the first responses to the question was from one of the hosts. She stated that there is a time and a place for a proposal, and a wedding is not one of them. She was totally against her partner proposing to her at someone else’s wedding ceremony, and completely appalled at the idea of someone proposing to their love if it was in fact her wedding ceremony. In my own words, she believed that it was inappropriate to propose during someone else’s special moment where the attention should be solely on them. I actually disagree! If I’ve invited you to my wedding ceremony and reception, I know you, care for you and have love for you. On that day and in that moment we are celebrating love and hopefully encouraging others to believe that love is not dead and that marriage is DOPE! If my best friend’s, boyfriend decided he wanted to pop the question to her while on the dance floor, you better believe I’m crying and screaming to celebrate my friend. If one of my husband’s groomsmen got down on his knee to propose to his girlfriend, you better believe I’ll be rooting and dapping him up like I’m one of the fellas. Don’t you dare propose when I’m walking down the aisle, when my husband is singing a song to me, during our first dance or any of the speeches, BUT love is love and I’m here for it!

Others called in to say that if their boyfriend didn’t plan something extravagant and have all of their loved ones there, they would be disappointed and say no. There were some who said that their hair, nails and outfit gotta be right or else it’ll be a no for them also. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I read social media post all the time where women are saying things like “I’m just waiting on my Boaz.” “Tell me where do I sign up for a Ciara and Russell Wilson type of love story.” “If you’re not trying to build a future with me and be my husband, there’s absolutely no room for you over here.” You get the picture. So with that being said, I couldn’t believe the amount of women who were willing to turn down a proposal just because it wasn’t what they imagined. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I find it crazy to have that sort of mindset. I’ve experienced women who said that if there boyfriend didn’t propose in a year, she would leave him. I’ve known women who have been in a relationship for longer than five years with no proposal. If I ever heard them say they said no because it wasn’t done right, I would be appalled.

I’m not saying you have to accept any sort of proposal because you should be grateful that a man wants to marry you. For example, if you don’t want to be proposed to while your partner is in jail, I can understand that. Or no man should be like, “You gonna marry me or what?” What I am saying is, put yourself in the man’s shoes. He stepped up and said he wanted to make you his wife,  bought you a beautiful ring, and stepped out of his comfort zone to propose. You would honestly shoot the proposal of the man you love down? Let’s be real, if you are marrying the right person, your partner will know what type of proposal to give you. You both have discussed marriage times before, and ultimately he should know you well enough to know what would make the experience special for you. But if he decides that he wants it to be intimate just between the two of you, you better not say no just because there isn’t a big crowd to watch! If he decided to wake you up with no make up on and your satin cap is still on, you better accept that proposal! That man saw you in your rawest form and still thought you were beautiful, AND wanted to make you his bride.

My husband was so upset when listening to the responses.  We both agreed that people have forgotten the value of marriage and placed importance on the ring, proposal and wedding ceremony. A ring can be broken, lost or stolen. A proposal can be ruined in the blink of an eye by a storm, sudden onset of illness, or an argument. The wedding ceremony lasts only for a day. However, a healthy marriage with God as its foundation (my beliefs, your choice) will last a lifetime. When you truly love someone, moments like your proposal will be special regardless. You won’t need a huge ring to solidify your love for one another. An intimate ceremony with 15 guests will still be just as beautiful as if there were 250 people in attendance.

I don’t want to sound like I am  against a beautiful, show stopping proposal. I am against women denying proposals because of expectations they have created in their mind. When my husband proposed, it was after I finished my shift at Advance Auto Parts and looked a mess! I only hesitated when saying yes because we were not together at the time, not because of our surroundings. The moment was too special to say no. His proposal was too beautiful to say no.

I’ll close with this. I know that many women have taken a stand and said that they shouldn’t have to settle for anything just because they are a woman and should be grateful. I agree and hope when you read this blog you did not take my stance that way. I just believe that there are going to be a lot of unhappy, single women in this world all because they’ve turned down wedding proposals because of the lack of entertainment surrounding it. Your love story doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. Oh, and please go to premarital classes and counseling before proposing or saying “I Do!”

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Hey there! My name is Tiana. I am a wife and mother of two beautiful girls. I created this space for queens who are wives and mothers who are just trying to navigate this thing called life . I share my thoughts and experiences all while hoping to start meaningful dialogue between a community of QUEENS and KINGS who may decide to join in on a conversation as well. ~Enjoy

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